Thoughts on Parenting

The way you ‘parent’ your child determines not only the child’s future but also that of society. Many parents and teachers are experiencing children or learners as uncooperative, irresponsible, disconnected, unassertive and therefore victims of child abuse, bullying, peer pressure (to take drugs), doing things to please others, etc.

You have a choice.

You can change the way you raise your child. You can raise your child to be cooperative, you can teach him or her how to ‘take responsibility’ for their actions, behaviour and experiences, to be ‘at cause’ in their lives instead of ‘in effect’ of situations and be ‘the victim’ as they blame and/or please everyone for fear of rejection.

When a child grows up with constant criticism, being threatened, put on guilt trips, punishment, withholding love and affection – fear is created in the child. Most children react to fear by fleeing, fighting or freezing. Fleeing behaviours include blaming others, lying, running away, being defensive, argumentative, refusing to do things, talking back or simply giving up. They give up who they are in order to avoid rejection and as a way to protect themselves. Fear destroys their spirit and robs them of their courage, spontaneity, joy and loving themselves.

In order to ‘fit in’ with their families and be ‘a good child’, they start to ignore their own needs, keep quiet and give away their power. As adults they will be unable to ask for what they want and need and thereby violate their own integrity and do whatever it takes to ‘fit in’, belong and secure their status as a ’good person’. They will feel desperate and powerless and will become the proverbial doormat in order to avoid confrontation and the possibility of rejection.

In their desperation to be liked, they become this ‘nice person’ constantly seeking acceptance and approval, sacrificing themselves to please everyone as their way to feel accepted, wanted and worthy. When they do this, they make other’s needs more important than their own and in the process they forsake their power and joy and start to build resentment towards the very people they try to please all the time.

I invite you to reflect on your child’s upbringing. Breathe deeply and go within and ask yourself these important questions:
· In raising my child - is my child growing up as an empowered human being who is able to take responsibility for his/her life, can stand up for themselves, love themselves, believe in themselves, honour themselves, their needs and desires, trust themselves enough to follow their hearts and to do what they know is in their own best interest?
· How was I raised?
· Am I ‘cause’ in my life or am I ‘in effect’ (victim) of what life dishes up for me?

You do have the power; possibly you just need the skills? Contact me if you need support.

In Gratitude
Annette
www.paradigmshifttraining.com